Before we begin: This is Part 3 of my series: Words From a Decade, my story of trauma and recovery in my own words from the past decade. To go back: Words From a Decade: Part 2 In 2014 and 2015, I went from a complete denial of having been affected by my abusive relationship …
Words From a Decade: Part 2, 2012 & 2013
Before we begin: This is Part 2 of my series: Words From A Decade, my story of trauma and recovery in my own words from the past decade. Part 1 is here: Part 1 2012 and 2013 are probably the most contrasted years of my decade: 2012 being the "rock bottom" year, where I fell …
Words From a Decade: Part 1, 2010 & 2011
Before we begin: This decade has been completely transformative. In 2010, I entered into what would become a three-year long abusive relationship that would shake my life and my identity to the ground. I was 15. The process of rebuilding and unlearning would happen slowly, in waves that built and broke in various ways throughout …
Red flags
Trauma alters the way we perceive danger in our life. For someone who has not experienced life-altering trauma, red flags might be easy to identify and deal with. For someone who has gone through something traumatic, especially when that trauma was prolonged and eventually accepted as reality, the ability to recognize red flags can become …
People-Pleasing as a Defense Mechanism
I'm someone that identifies strongly as having a "go with the flow" personality. Which can be great. I acknowledge that it is good to be a compromising person that gets along well with most people. I don't think it's a problem to not have strong opinions often, and to generally like others to take charge …
Shame
Shame is not the same as guilt. Guilt is "I've done something bad". Shame is "I am bad". Shame is an insidious result of abuse that lurks in the background of your mind, trying to convince you that you don't have the right to feel what you feel. Shame is full of paradoxes: it says you …
2018: the grace of permission
The following is a review of 2018's growth and struggle, with words written and photos taken throughout the year. Photo taken by Luke Allegre, Joshua Tree National Park, November 2018 I walked into 2018 with another impressive list of goals and intentions. Many were prophetic, revolving around the concepts of mindfulness and acceptance without naming …
Versions of self, captured in time
Image taken December 11th, 2011 For Emily in 2010 and 2011 and 2012, especially the winter months - This is for you, sweet girl. I doubt you’d want to be called sweet, especially as the years these photographs were taken wore on. You grew to embrace being bitter and cold. Especially in the winter months, …